By: Jane Southren
Imagine this: you’ve just attended an event where you met several people who would be great additions to your professional network. People whose company you enjoyed and with whom you felt aligned. You reflect on how nice it would be to have an opportunity to continue the conversations with them. Now imagine this: you feel empowered and excited to follow up, not awkward or uncertain about it.
We’ve all been there. The high that comes from making new connections – or reconnecting with people we’ve met before – and the confidence that’s part of the immediate after effect. But what do you do with that high? What’s next?
Overcoming Awkwardness
For most of us, even though we have the intention to follow traditional network building wisdom and follow up with these new contacts immediately, we lack the knowhow. And, without a plan or a systematic approach in place, following up can feel awkward or self-serving. Time passes – even just overnight, sometimes – and that excited feeling dissipates. In its place, we experience self-doubt and uncertainty about what to do next. Uncertainty and fear of rejection create a nagging little “what if.” And what do we do when these intrusive thoughts appear? We simply go offline and don’t follow up at all.
Understanding Intrusive Thoughts
One of the most unhelpful aspects of human neural processing is that our brains automatically default to the worst-case scenario in situations where we have insufficient information to draw a clear conclusion, or whenever a positive outcome isn’t a sure thing. It’s called a negativity bias.
In a network building context, the outcome of that neural processing manifests in us telling ourselves all kinds of terrible things about what might happen when we follow up. Not only are these thoughts unhelpful, they’re patently untrue. Here are a few that might resonate:
If I follow up, I’ll look pushy.
They are busy people. I don’t want to be a burden.
They’ll think I’m just pitching them for work or trying to sell them something.
I don’t have anything of value to offer that would justify continuing our conversation.
They don’t really want to hear from me.
If they wanted to connect, they would have reached out to me.
They were just being friendly or polite.
Because these thoughts don’t serve us, we need tools to help us address the objections we have created in our minds. We need tools that will take us past the awkwardness and pull us into empowerment and confidence in our ability to follow up effectively.
Poetically, the root of the problem lies in how our brains operate, and therefore, so does the root of the solution.
Changing Thought Patterns
Your brain has a compulsion, a hard-wired need to act in accordance with what you say and to automate the processes you employ repeatedly.
If you tell someone else that you are going to take the action, your brain will latch onto that statement and make you feel compelled to act in accordance with your stated intention.
If you intentionally take action the same way in response to the same catalyst, even just a couple of times, your brain will take over and make you feel compelled to take that same action any time that catalyst appears. That is what causes us to form habits.
Building a Habit of Following Up
If you apply both of these tools to following up, it might look something like this.
Right now, as you read this, make the active decision that, whenever you meet someone that you feel a connection to and alignment with, you will tell them expressly - while they are still standing in front of you - that you are enjoying your conversation with them and that, if it is okay with them, you will follow up in the next few days to continue it.
Make sure to put your own personality and voice around how you express the intention to follow up. For example, I will often say something about the fact that I make a point of collecting people that I find interesting or inspiring and since they are falling into that category for me, I will reach out to them through LinkedIn or by email in the next few days to set up a coffee. But it doesn’t have to be that colourful. It just needs to be authentic and it needs to feel comfortable to you. It can be as simple as saying you really enjoyed meeting them and want to continue talking, or as detailed as picking a specific aspect of the conversation that you would like to pick up again in some way.
Ring the Bell
Incorporating the "Ring the Bell" feature on LinkedIn into your follow-up routine is a powerful (and easy) way to support yourself in following up - at least with people who are engaging on LinkedIn. This feature notifies you when one of your contacts posts updates, allowing you to engage promptly and meaningfully.
From a neuroscience perspective, regular engagement with your network strengthens relational bonds and reinforces positive feedback loops in your brain–both of which promote consistency and reliability in your follow-up habits. Habit formation is aided by these timely reminders and opportunities for interaction–a great blend of the principles of neuroscience and practical business development tools.
Be sure to take the step to click on the bell icon when you connect with someone on LinkedIn that you really want to make inroads with. It’s an extremely helpful way to help you nurture important connections.
Practice Makes Perfect
Now that you have formed a habit, stick to it. Repeat the same actions, again and again, consciously and with intention. Before long, it will feel strange not to do it. And that is when you’ll know that you’ve generated the follow-up habit. Just like that.
Remember, the critical elements of creating a good follow-up habit are:
That you first consciously make the decision and commitment to cultivate a habit of following up consistently;
That you expressly tell the people you meet, while you’re in the conversation, that you are going to follow up with them, and;
That you exercise courage and discipline (and maybe the LinkedIn bell feature) to keep follow through on your follow up!
Before you know it, the process will have become so much a part of who you are, your follow-up habit will have been created, and networking will never be the same.
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