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The Power of Following Up :: Five Times, Especially When You Hear Nothing Back
By Jane Southren Think about the last time you reached out to someone you wanted to build a professional relationship with. Maybe it was a prospective client, someone you met at a networking event, or a former colleague you hadn't spoken to in a while. You sent them a thoughtful email, perhaps suggesting a coffee or sharing something you thought they'd find interesting.
And then you heard nothing.
What did you do next? Did you follow up? And if you did, how many times did you try before deciding they probably weren't interested and moving on?
If you're like many of the lawyers I work with, you probably gave up long before you should have. And in doing so, you may have missed an opportunity to build a valuable relationship, simply because you ran yourself up the Ladder of Inference and interpreted someone's silence as a lack of interest.
I want to challenge you to think differently about follow-up, because it is one of the most valuable business development habits you can build.
First, let's talk about why people don't respond
I LOVE when people follow up with me. And it's not because I always respond to their emails. I don't. I can't.
Like you, my days are full. I'm balancing client commitments, meetings, projects, the life and responsibilities I enjoy outside of my work, and all the unexpected things that demand my attention. There are plenty of times when someone sends me an email that I'm genuinely interested in, but I simply don't have the bandwidth to respond at that moment.
Sometimes I fully intend to get back to them, but something more urgent comes along. Their email gets buried, and before I know it, weeks have passed.
When someone follows up with me, they're giving me another opportunity to respond, hopefully at a moment when I actually have the time and mental space to do so. And I’m so grateful for it. It takes a village to live my life, it seems!
I suspect most of the people you're trying to connect with are exactly the same.
We tend to interpret silence through the lens of our own insecurities. We worry that we're being annoying, that the person isn't interested or that we're somehow imposing on them by reaching out again.
But consider an alternative, and more likely, explanation: they're busy. Just like you are. And I am.
When you approach follow-up from that perspective, it becomes much easier to see it for what it can be: an act of generosity and service, rather than an unwelcome interruption.
The opportunity is in the follow-up
Consider these statistics: 80% of non-routine, service-oriented engagements (like retainers of lawyers or other specialized professional service providers), happen after more than five meaningful interactions (some say between 5 and 12!). Most people offering those services give up long before that:
44% give up after their first interaction fails to produce business.
22% give up after their second.
14% give up after their third.
12% give up after their fourth.
That means 92% have stopped trying before reaching the point at which the majority of engagements are reported to occur. The remaining 8% are still in the conversation when the people they want to serve need them, and are, therefore, the ones who consistently continue to get the opportunities they want.
When applied specifically to the legal sector—across both corporate and individual client practices—we know that very few clients require non-routine legal representation on a regular basis. So, when a critical legal need does emerge, clients almost universally seek out someone they already know, trust, and feel comfortable contacting—either to manage the matter directly or to connect them with a trusted professional in that person’s own network. This is substantiated by research, which demonstrates that:
over 95% of non-standard professional engagements stem from relationships established prior to the emergence of the specific legal issue;
In less than 5% of cases do clients engage a lawyer on the first meeting; and
If prompted, they might remember your name and generally what you do after 3 interactions, but it takes 5 to 8 meaningful interactions before a potential client will reach a sense of substantial familiarity, meaning they will have a clear, unprompted sense of who you are and how you can help them.
So the guiding principle that emerges is: the professional connections you develop today, supported by a minimum of 5 value-driven follow ups (even when you get no response), represent the primary foundation for future business opportunities. And even when you do that, the results often don’t appear until months or even years down the line.
This is so far beyond what most of the lawyers that come into coaching ever fathomed would be required, and they are really uncomfortable with the idea that, in this arena, you need to put the priority on measuring success against your activity, and putting a pin in measuring success against results until you get to the minimum activity level.
The five-follow-up challenge
Here's what I'd like you to try. It’s the same challenge I give to many of my coaching clients. The next time you reach out to someone you genuinely want to build a professional relationship with, commit to following up five times, even if they don't respond to any of your messages.
But, to be clear, the objective isn't to send six versions of the same email asking whether someone has read your last message. It's to find six opportunities to connect in ways that are relevant, thoughtful and valuable to them, ideally across multiple communication channels.
Here's how you might approach it.
Step 1: Start with a genuine reason to connect
Your initial outreach should have a clear purpose. Perhaps you've met at an industry event, have a mutual connection or noticed something interesting happening in their organization.
Explain why you're reaching out and what might make the connection worthwhile for them. Keep your message relevant and make it easy for them to engage. If they don't respond, make a plan for your first follow-up.
Step 2: Your first follow-up. Share something useful.
A couple of weeks have passed, and you haven't received a response. Instead of asking whether they've seen your previous email, share something useful.
It might be an article about a challenge facing their industry, a development affecting their business or an upcoming event that aligns with their interests. Include a brief note explaining why you thought of them specifically when you came across the thing you are sending: what in particular about that thing do you think might be useful to them, and why?. Don’t just fire a generic resource, one that you might send to anyone, over to them with a note that says “I thought this might be of interest to you.”
You're demonstrating that you're paying attention and thinking about what matters to them, without asking for anything in return.
Step 3: Your second follow-up. Look for an opportunity to make a connection.
Still no response? Think about whether there's someone in your network who might be valuable for this person to know.
Perhaps you could connect them with a potential collaborator, someone with complementary expertise or a professional who shares their interests. Rather than making an unsolicited introduction, offer to facilitate one if they'd find it helpful, and explain specifically why you think it might be a good connection.
You're showing that you're interested in contributing to their success, not just advancing your own.
Step 4: Your third follow-up. Share something that demonstrates your expertise.
By now, you will be questioning whether you really should continue. But remember, silence doesn't necessarily mean a lack of interest. In fact, if you look back at the data I shared above you will see that it most often does not mean that!
At this point, think about something you've recently learned, worked on, or saw as an opportunity that might be useful to this person. It could be an observation about an industry trend, a resource that addresses a challenge you know they are or, based on what you know about their business and sector, may be facing, or an opportunity for them to participate in something relevant to their business or sector - a panel, an interview, a podcast etc.
Share it without turning your message into a sales pitch. You're giving them another opportunity to understand who you are, what you know, how you engage with the world and the commitment you have to supporting and being of service to the people in your network.
Step 5: Your fourth follow-up. Find another reason to stay connected.
Look for an opportunity to acknowledge something happening in their professional world. Perhaps they've received an award, announced a new initiative or published something you found interesting.
Reach out to congratulate them or share a thoughtful observation. Paying attention to what's happening in someone's professional life makes it easier to connect in ways that feel natural and meaningful.
And if they still haven't responded, don't automatically assume you've done something wrong. You have one more follow-up to make.
Step 6: Your fifth follow-up. Create one more opportunity to connect.
You've now followed up four times without receiving a response. This is where I want you to challenge yourself to complete what you started.
Find one more way to create value. Perhaps there's an upcoming conference you are attending that they might find useful - ask if they are going, and if not, if it would be useful to them for you to share the insights you gain or highlights of it. You might also extend a simple, low-pressure invitation to reconnect.
By completing this fifth follow-up, you have successfully met the challenge. You have reached out six separate times, offering something meaningful with every single touchpoint, even if you haven't received a single reply. You might naturally wonder why taking this approach matters. Let’s talk about that.
Why five thoughtful follow-ups can make a difference
Every time you follow up thoughtfully, you're doing more than reminding someone that you exist. You're creating opportunities to strengthen the relationship in several important ways.
You're becoming more memorable. Each thoughtful interaction gives someone another reason to remember you. By staying connected over time, you also create more opportunities to be top of mind when they need your expertise.
You're demonstrating generosity. Sharing useful insights, resources and opportunities shows that you're genuinely interested in contributing to someone's success. You're also giving them more opportunities to respond when they have the bandwidth to do so.
You're building familiarity and trust. Repeated, positive interactions help people become more comfortable with you and create a foundation for stronger relationships.
You're demonstrating reliability. Consistent, thoughtful follow-up shows that you're attentive, dependable and willing to invest in relationships over time.
You're doing what many others won't. Following up five times without a response requires discipline and a willingness to tolerate uncertainty. That consistency can help create opportunities that others miss.
You are rewiring your brain to:
build its resilience to the outsized rejection sensitivity that most lawyers have
consistently think more creatively and intentionally about how you might genuinely be of value to others, which requires putting yourself in their shoes
get in the habit of measuring your success against how consistently you are in the right activity, which is the only part of this that is actually totally in your control.
Let’s talk more about that last one.
Measure your activity, not just your results
One of the biggest challenges I see lawyers face in business development is that they measure success by the responses they receive, rather than the actions they take. But you can't control whether someone responds to your email, agrees to meet with you or ultimately becomes your client. What you can control is how consistently you reach out, how thoughtfully you follow up and how much value you create along the way.
Imagine identifying ten people you'd like to build stronger relationships with and committing to five thoughtful follow-ups with each of them, even if you hear nothing back. That's 50 opportunities to create value and strengthen connections, regardless of the responses you receive.
The measure of success isn't how many people respond. It's whether you followed through on your commitments, created value with each interaction and built the habits that support long-term business development. By focusing on what you can control, you're consistently creating opportunities for relationships to develop, even when the results aren't immediately visible.
To a significant degree, this is a numbers game. Consistently being out in the world with a generous, service mindset, with no agenda for a direct return, pays real dividends, and not necessarily directly reciprocally. Oftentimes the results you get come from an entirely different direction than the one to which you directed your generosity and service mindset.
Your next opportunity might be one follow-up away
Business development isn't about convincing everyone you meet to become your client. It's about building meaningful relationships, creating value and staying connected so mutually beneficial opportunities get the chance to develop.
The person who doesn't have the bandwidth to respond today might welcome a conversation three months from now. The person who doesn't currently need your expertise might encounter a challenge next year that makes you exactly the person they want to call. And if you have stayed in touch, they will remember that.
So the next time you send an email and don't receive a response, resist the urge to interpret that silence as rejection. Instead, ask yourself how you can create value the next time you reach out. Then put it in your calendar and follow through.
Five thoughtful follow-ups. Even when you hear nothing back.
Because your responsibility isn't to make someone respond. It's to do the things that give meaningful relationships the opportunity to develop.
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